Quidditch, Darts, and Insufferable Gits
by SilverZelenia
Summary: Eleanor Wood's 7th year is shaping up to be worse than she could have ever imagined; first, bloody famous James Potter stole the title of Quidditch Captain right out from under her nose. Then, she copped an 'attitude' and her broom was taken away for half of the summer. Now she has to pretend to be Potter's girlfriend for the year - and all because of a stupid dart.
1. Chapter 1

**Quidditch, Darts, and Insufferable Gits**

**Chapter 1**

* * *

"Stupid!"

A muffled thump as a dart hit the board on the wall.

"Arrogant!"

Another thump.

"Toerag!" The girl spat, her hand slashing through the air to launch another projectile.

Her best friend, a Muggleborn by the name of Irina Williams, had brought the 'game' with her for their final year at Hogwarts, placing it on the wall in the Gryffindor common room. The brunette dart-thrower, a girl known as Eleanor Wood, was using it more as a replacement for James Potter's head.

She'd been in a right state of fury ever since receiving her Hogwarts letter. _James Potter, _bane of Eleanor's existence, had been made Quidditch Captain instead of her – the highly skilled, though not quite as modest daughter of Puddlemere United Keeper Oliver Wood and Holyhead Harpies Chaser Alicia Spinnet.

Eleanor was, to her parents' delight, as obsessed about and skilled at the sport as her parents before her, playing as a Chaser for Gryffindor since her second year. Call it cocky, but she'd been certain she would be captain – it was her dream, something she'd looked forward to since she was old enough to comprehend Quidditch.

Naturally, her hatred towards Potter had flared white hot at this – she'd been punished by her mum for 'having an attitude' during the end of summer break, which hadn't gone over well with the hot-headed seventeen year old – and she'd already used the Bat Bogey Hex on Potter on the train ride here.

Yet another thing stupid Potter had ruined. To make matters even worse, their Head of House had named Eleanor _Secondary _Captain, meaning she had to spend a significantly higher amount of time with Potter, planning strategies and the like.

Eleanor was preparing to fling another dart when she heard an amused snort behind her, from the direction of the staircase. Freezing, she turned to glare at whoever had intruded upon her solace in the empty common room. A flash of irritation shot through her as she recognized the tousled hair, hazel eyes and smirk.

"What do you want, _Potter_?" She snarled, hand flying to finger the handle of the wand sticking out of her pocket.

"I was nominated to go investigate the shouting in the common room that's keeping my dorm mates awake," He said, smirking at her as he casually ruffled his hair up with a hand, an action that warranted the usual roll of the eyes from the object of his so-called affection.

"So… Spill. What's so upsetting that you're risking the wrath of the entire bloody house to throw darts?"

"I think you know, _Potter_," She ground out.

"For Merlin's sake, woman, I have a name. You don't have to say _Potter _this and _Potter _that. Honestly, you'd think it's a disease or something, the way you say it."

"You _are _a disease, as far as I'm concerned," She said frostily.

"You're not still mad about the whole Quidditch Captain thing, are you?"

Instead of answering, Eleanor scowled and whirled around to throw the dart she still held clenched in her fist.

"Go away, Potter, or I swear to Merlin I _will _throw one of these at you!"

Unfazed, he crossed the room to stand at her side, arms crossed with a highly amused expression.

"I _said_, go away!" She said, shoving him backwards, though she wasn't very successful.

Eleanor was built well, muscled up from Quidditch, but of course so was James, and he was bigger than her. The only result of her outburst was her glaring the few inches up at his face with an irate expression.

A moment later, upon realizing her hands were still on his chest and she was in a _very _close proximity with the person she hated, who just so happened to have been consistently asking her out for years, she recoiled backward as if bitten.

James, of course, found this highly amusing, smirking at her in a way that was far too pleased for Eleanor's liking.

"You really hate me that much, huh? Tell me, why exactly is it that you dislike me so much?"

Eleanor opened her mouth to tell him _exactly _why she despised every fiber of his being, but was cut off.

"Actually, don't. Tell you what, I'll make you a deal, okay?"

"I'm listening," Eleanor said, crossing her arms.

"Play a game of darts with me. I win, you be my official girlfriend for the duration of 7th year. You have to call me by my name, and you have to swear not to tell anyone its fake, _including_ friends or family of either of us – and, you have to make it look real."

"That's a big demand, Potter. What the bloody hell is in it for me?"

"I wasn't finished! You win… You win, and I won't speak a word to you other than at Quidditch or for class. If I see you after graduation, I won't even wave. I'll pretend we've never met each other," He sounded sullen as he said the last words, but recovered with a cocky grin.

"Whoever wins, if the other breaks the agreement, the winner gets to punish them however they see fit – toss them in the lake, curse them, whatever. So, you in, Ellie?"

"Don't call me Ellie, toerag," She snapped, entirely by instinct.

She bit her lip and scowled, going over the terms in her head. That was a big risk to take – a year as Potter's girlfriend? Even if it was an act, the mere thought made her want to hurl. On the other hand, an entirely Potter-free rest of her life, or as much as it possibly could be?

"Shake on it," She muttered, cringing as his hand grasped hers.

"If you double-cross me when I win, I will hex you so hard your descendants will feel the effects for generations, are we clear?"

"Crystal," He grinned.

After both of their wands had been placed to the side to ensure a fair game – both felt the other might try to magically influence the game – they started. Eleanor had snatched the crimson set of darts, leaving the Slytherin-green darts for James, "Because you're a git."

They were perfectly tied when Eleanor threw her last dart, landing in the ring outside the bull's-eye with a solid thump. Smirking triumphantly, she stepped back to give James a clear shot despite the fact she was certain she had already won.

James, looking sullen again, tossed the dart off-handedly, in a move of pure frustration. A disbelieving look struck his face as it stuck, quivering wildly, in the center of the bull's-eye.

Eleanor's mouth fell open, forming a perfect 'O', so that she rather resembled a fish.

"Cheater! Y-You charmed the dart!"

"My wand is sitting in the same spot, with yours," James smirked triumphantly, having shaken off the disbelief.

The girl gaped disbelievingly at the dart, which had ceased moving, hanging loosely out of the board.

"You'd better get to bed, _love_, wouldn't want to be tired for our unveiling tomorrow, now would you?" He smirked, planting a peck on her forehead, then dodged the hand meant to smack him, darting up the stairs to the boys' dormitories with his reclaimed wand.

Letting out a scream of frustration, Eleanor kicked the wall savagely, only to curse as her foot exploded in pain. The loose winning dart fell to the floor with a soft thump, unnoticed by the girl retreating up the stairs to her bed.

**-QDIS-**

Dawn broke far too early for Eleanor's liking. She had showered, dressed, gone through her entire morning routine, and was out the door in her uniform – save for a couple of undone buttons, her ruffled collar, and the untied tie draped around her neck - before her dorm mates had even woken.

Maybe it was just the storm that had raged outside the previous night, thunderous booms keeping her from a peaceful sleep, but Eleanor had gotten a precious few hours of sleep. She just hadn't been able to settle, leaving her tired but unable to stand another hour of lying in bed, staring in silence at the ceiling.

As expected, the common room was empty – after all, no one, even the Prefects, would willingly get up an hour before necessary on the first back at school. No one in their right mind, anyway.

Which just proved her case that James Potter was mental – she found him sprawled on the couch, one leg hanging haphazardly off the side, idly making swirls of light drift out of the tip of his wand. The moment he saw her, he sat up straight, swirls forgotten, smirking at her with the trademark ruffled hair, untied tie, and untucked shirt.

At once, the memory of last night's bet flooded her, and she groaned audibly, making James grin. No wonder she hadn't slept well last night – even her bloody _soul_ must be dreading this year. The similarities she recognized in their entirely-on-purpose dress code violations certainly did nothing but irritate her as she took in his uneven collar, which mirrored the one on her shirt.

"Beautiful morning, isn't it?" He said cheerfully, not sparing a glance at the dark clouds visible through a tower window.

"It'd be better without you." Eleanor replied tartly, smoothing her buttoned collar and tying her Gryffindor tie for probably the first time in her life.

"Now, now, is that how you treat a boyfriend? I think we need to practice talking without insults from you. Although, I'm all for starting with snogging, if you'd prefer."

She made to hit him on the shoulder, but James snatched her hand in midair, pulling her closer and draping an arm over the slightly shorter girl's shoulder with a grin.

Eleanor stiffened, hunching her shoulders as if to escape the revolting, uncomfortable sensation spreading across where his arm lay. On any other day, when she was wasn't so bloody exhausted, she would have put up quite the fight to being pulled all the way to breakfast by one James Potter. As it was, she allowed herself to be towed outside past the snoozing Fat Lady and down the familiar path to the Great Hall.

James didn't remove his arm till they reached the Gryffindor table and it was necessary to sit down, at which time he had cheerily heaped a pile of food onto his plate. There was a grand total of four other students, extreme early-risers, at the other houses' tables. The three girls of the mix that had been eyeing the Gryffindor pair curiously had looked away quickly upon receiving the brunt of savage glares from Eleanor.

"That really," She paused to yawn. "Wasn't necessary, you know. I was already coming here, you didn't have to force me."

"Funny, because you looked like you were about to collapse in the common room. Seriously, El, you look like you didn't get an ounce of sleep."

"_Don't_ call me El! And I didn't. I hate it when it storms at night, it's too noisy… It always keep me up because I'm such a light sleeper." Eleanor complained, resting her head on the table.

Eleanor didn't emerge from the mess she'd made of her dark brown curls until she got tired of James wheedling at her to eat breakfast. He was certainly in a winning mood, his voice was light and airy as he pestered her, which only grated on her nerves. Another fact that Eleanor was annoyed at was her habit of rambling and talking more than usual when she was tired – her mind-to-mouth filter just went out the window. She hadn't _meant_ to say she was a light-sleeper – why did James Potter need to know that? – It had just come out. Ah, well, it's not like she'd admitted an undying love for him, or something – which was impossible as it didn't _exist_, mind.

By the time she'd been bothered enough to eat a couple of pieces of toast, James had already finished his massive helpings of almost every food available. They still had half an hour before most students would even be _awake_ when Eleanor was once more dragged out of the hall.

"Where are we going now?"

"Gryffindor Tower – or have you been carrying your bag this whole time, and it's just invisible?"

"James!" The familiar voice of another housemate called – Fred Weasley, James' best friend, another thorn in Eleanor's side.

"Remember the deal," James muttered.

Eleanor straightened, smoothing her hair into a somewhat presentable fashion as she remembered the terms of their deal. James wouldn't hesitate to enact the part about breaking their agreement, and knowing him he'd put a Weasley product or something equally nasty into her drink if she didn't manage to fool his numerous friends and family.

_Why _he wanted such a silly deal made, she didn't have any idea. Yes, she was his 'girlfriend' for the year, and he'd been pursuing her for years, but what was the point? She wasn't his _real_ girlfriend, so there wasn't any point to it, in her opinion. Except, of course, it would ensure she wouldn't have another boyfriend that year – even if she wasn't really his girlfriend, she had no desire to be known as a two-timer – and essentially would make her last year miserable. This _was_ James Potter, after all, so that was probably incentive enough for him.

"Ja – _Wood_?" Fred broke off, sounding incredulous as he took in the scene before him.

James still had an arm around her shoulder, and though she couldn't see his face, he was undoubtedly smirking once more.

"Fred, oh friend of mine, say hello to my new girlfriend, one Miss Eleanor Wood," James said with a flourish of his free hand.

"You didn't put a love potion in her goblet, did you?" Fred accused immediately, staring at them with a disbelieving air.

"That hurts, mate, that really does," James said, clutching at his heart in mock pain.

"Well, if he really did manage to win you over – Godric knows how – then this year is going to be even more fun than I thought!" Fred said, bouncing over to Eleanor's free side and slinging his own arm over her shoulder as well.

Now she was sandwiched between her two least favorite people in the world, effectively cutting off any escape route there might have been before Fred's arrival.

Eleanor's morning was _not _looking up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Quidditch, Darts, and Insufferable Gits**

**Chapter 2**

* * *

"I _have_ to tell Irina."

"Not part of the deal," James chimed back in a sing-song voice.

"I'm absolute rubbish at lying, she'll see right through me, Po - "

"James," He interrupted. "My name is James, and you're my girlfriend, so you can't go saying Potter this and Potter that anymore."

"There's no one but us here!" Eleanor protested.

"Might as well practice."

"_Fine_, you ignorant, obsessive piece of -," The brunette girl spat, her comment trailing off into angry muttering.

"As I was saying, _James_…" She pronounced the word like it was poison on her tongue, but he grinned nonetheless. "I'm a horrible liar. Irina's my best friend, she'll be able to tell instantly that it isn't real, and she'll be completely peeved that I even tried to lie to her."

"She'll forgive you."

"If I tell her, she can help me sell the story to the school, not to mention that family of yours," She tried.

"No. It wasn't part of the deal, and I'm perfectly capable of helping you tell a perfect lie," James said firmly, propping his chin up on his hand as they slouched in the bleachers, waiting for the rest of their Quidditch team to arrive at the pitch.

"Fine," She glared. "But when your sister, your brother, and all those cousins of yours see right through me before the week is through, I'm not going to have you blaming me for it."

"Fine – but they won't," He grinned at her.

Silence fell; an awkward, unnatural silence for two Seventh Years that were not at all the quiet type. The tense charge between them remained stubbornly in place for the ten minutes they waited together, during which time Eleanor stalwartly ignored all of James' attempts at conversation. She was struggling not to give a sharp-tongued rebuke to his purposefully insulting comment about one of Puddlemere United's signature plays when someone yelled her name.

Eleanor looked up just in time to get a mouthful of hair the color of butter as a shorter girl enveloped her in a hug.

"I heard you got Quidditch Captain, Ellie, congratulations! You've wanted it since you were a little girl, haven't you?" A bubbly voice gushed, but Eleanor had gone stiff in the other Gryffindor's embrace.

"Eleanor? What's wrong, did I say something?" Cynthia Davies asked, pulling back with a worried frown.

Eleanor jerked her head stiffly in her supposed-boyfriend's direction, her face stoic.

"I'm not Captain. He is."

"Oh… _Oh._ I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to - "

Eleanor didn't say anything to the Fourth Year, who was now staring resolutely at her feet, face flushed with embarrassment.

"Ellie's my Reserve Captain, isn't that right, love?" James said, coming up behind Eleanor and throwing an arm around her shoulder.

The brunette stiffened, itching to duck away and hex him into the next century; instead, she ground her teeth and made a stiff, miniscule nod, replaying a mantra of, "_Don't blow it, don't blow it, don't blow it," _Over and over in her head.

Mental mantra or not, it took all of the girl's considerable willpower to stop from punching James when he planted a quick kiss on her cheek.

Eleanor hid her clenched fists behind her back, shoulders quaking with the effort not to jerk her wand out of her boot and curse the messy-haired boy half-draped across her shoulders. The fake smile on her face had vanished, and her right cheek felt like someone was holding a burning coal there, then holding her hands back to stop her from scratching at the spot.

Cynthia was openly staring at them, mouth open to reveal perfectly straight, pearly-white teeth. Her cornflower blue eyes were wide and round as she stared at the duo in front of her, completely oblivious to the rest of their teammates coming up behind her.

"Jeez, Cyn, what's up with you?" Lily Potter asked, leading the group of four approaching them.

"James… James and Eleanor - "

"- are dating," Fred finished, smirking. "Where have you been? The whole school's been talking about it since they came to breakfast together this morning. They even ate side by side without Eleanor dumping her cereal on his head."

Cynthia still looked like she'd seen a ghost, but the others were all watching the brunette pair with various levels of curiosity and apprehension. The Gryffindor Quidditch Team was comprised of Eleanor, James, Lily Potter, Fred Weasley, Cynthia Davies, Hugo Weasley, and Ethan Taylor.

Lily was, of course, James' younger sister, a Fifth Year. She served as the team's Seeker, having inherited a short stature and twiggy build from her father's genetics, but she had the pumpkin-colored hair and brown eyes of her Weasley mother. Those same brown eyes, identical to James', were narrowed suspiciously at Eleanor, obviously in disbelief at the rumor of her brother's new girlfriend.

James and Fred, the troublemaking duo, served as the team's beaters; James with the lanky build, the eternally messy dark hair, and Fred with his taller stature, brown eyes and hair, and the darker skin tone he'd inherited from his mother.

The team's Keeper was the freckled, brown-eyed Hugo Weasley, with the ridiculously curly red hair and the massive height he'd inherited from his father. Hugo seemed to take after his father in almost all aspects, but, from what Eleanor had gathered throughout the years, was much more confident than his father before him.

Next came the Chasers; Eleanor, Cynthia, and Ethan. Ethan was a quiet, sandy-haired Sixth Year who rarely spoke at practices and followed his orders to a tee. Cynthia was the daughter of Roger Davies, a former Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain, having inherited his good looks. Despite her overbearing father, Cynthia was a very well-liked, cheerful girl, but her experience and skill set was the least out of all the team members – she was the weakest link.

"James, why are we meeting tonight?" Hugo asked, leaning up against the outside wall of their locker room and folding his arms. "This is the second full day back at school. We haven't even started classes yet, much less Quidditch Season."

"Chill, Hugs," James said, ignoring the dark scowl that crossed his cousin's face at the silly nickname. "It's just to get things straightened out to get the year rolling. Ellie here got Reserve badge, which I'm sure nobody has a problem with. Practices are the same as last year, Tuesdays and Thursdays at Six O'clock, I've already got it scheduled.

Pretty much all of Hufflepuff's team graduated last year, so they're stuck with brand new players and reserves. Ravenclaw's got Wilson, and they've always got strategies, but they don't have talent. Slytherin is the only threat this year, especially with Al as their Seeker.

I don't care what we have to do to do it, but we're kicking Slytherin's arse this year, got it?"

* * *

**A recap, just in case you missed it:**

**Beaters – Fred Weasley, James Potter (Captain)**

**Chasers – Cynthia Davies (OC), Eleanor Wood (OC, Reserve Captain), Ethan Taylor (OC)**

**Keeper – Hugo Weasley**

**Seeker – Lily Potter**

**Also, I thought I'd throw out how I imagine some of the characters… Hailee Steinfeld is obviously Eleanor, and I imagine Skandar Keynes with a bit more muscle as James. Roshon Fegan is more or less how I imagine Fred, and a young Karen Gillan is how I see Lily, except for the brown eyes and her hair being a bit more orange. Logan Lerman with greener eyes is how I see Albus. As for the others, just use your imagination. ALSO, there is a POLL on my profile about chapter length, I'd love it if you'd vote! Reviews are also LOVED! :D**


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